I also really appreciate your point about consistency. This is something I’ve been learning as an adult. I tend to be out of sorts unless I have some sort of routine to fall into. Once I create a ritual, particularly if it’s based on an agreement with someone else (to whom I’m accountable), then things become easier for me. I can save the energy I’d otherwise keep having to spend on figuring out what to do. And I’m more productive and at peace.

That this could be true for our kids too makes perfect sense. Without a ritual or routine, everything is up in the air and it’s hard to rest. We’ve started to create some rituals around bedtime, within the structure of Lisa and I trading off who we put to bed each night. We don’t yet have a very consistent time for beginning the bedtime routine. That might be a good first place to start.

Thanks again for sharing. Your experiences indeed do spark some resonance with me, and remind me how I can bring what I’m learning as an adult (about routines and rituals) into our life as a family.

I don’t think we found a magic bullet to make it better; perhaps my two girls just outgrew their bed time neediness. Things are better now, but they still resist sleep and beg for “just a little more story, daddy!” every night! (Interestingly, I see myself doing the same thing as an adult. “Just one more chapter of my book before I turn the light out…”)

One thing I have found with my kids is that consistency has helped when we wanted to create new habits. I have a hard time with consistency myself, so it has taken extra intention to create an environment of consistency around habits we want to change with our kids!

When each of our kids night weaned at a little over 2 years old (weaned because I was so sleep deprived that the nursing relationship was getting quite strained) the first night was horrible, with little sleep for any of us in the family bed between the crying, begging and tantrums. The second night was half as bad. The third night was less that a quarter as bad. By night four, the drama was over and we moved on. It was hard to witness my child in anguish, but somehow I knew that I had to keep my balance in order to shift our relationship around bedtime.

When our daughters moved into their own room, my older daughter was ready and happy to do it at age 10; our seven-year-old was very ambivalent. We decided to give it 3 or 4 nights, and lo and behold the same pattern. First night terrible, by night four we had all adjusted.

Every kid is different; there’s no one right answer for everyone, but I share my experiences in case they may spark some resonance with you that may lead to light at the end of your tunnel!